Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Time Is Slipping By

I try to keep my blog upbeat and fun, because that's the way I am, but sometimes I just have the need to write about my feelings. My Dad has Alzheimer's disease. It breaks my heart. Right now he's in the middle stages. He still knows us and still functions pretty well. We can tell parts of his brain have died, parts that make him conscious of what he says and does. For instance, if I'm at his house when it's getting time to eat, he will sometimes, not so politely, say it's time for me to go home so MeMaw can fix his dinner. He just says exactly what he thinks. He constantly follows my Mom around, similar to a small child. He needs the security of knowing she's right there beside him. He wants to know where she is all the time and wants to be part of everything she's doing.  Sometimes, that makes me smile. Like today when I was at their house, he was so proud that he had worked a 100 piece puzzle all by himself. He has it propped on poster board on their piano. My Mom works large puzzles all the time and he feels left out, so she bought him a small one and when she rested or was fixing dinner or such, she would tell him to put at least two or three pieces in. It gives her some peace and him something to do! Of course, he will do it to please her, once again just like a small child! Sometimes it is the simplest things that make me realize he is getting worse every day. It's a slow process, which is good, but still a heartbreaking process. Yesterday, I went on an outing with my Mom and Dad. Just a few weeks past Dad would drive you crazy if he was in the car with you. He worried every 5 minutes that we didn't know where we were going and would get lost. He worried even when we were in familiar places. He also would talk your ears off about every thing he saw. "Look at those birds, isn't that something?" "Look at this and look at that." It was a constant running commentary. To be honest, I wasn't looking forward to being in the car several hours with him. I try to patient but, sometimes, it just seems like I'm going to go crazy if he asks me one more time if I know where I'm going! But, yesterday, I was wrong, so very wrong. He barely said anything! Every once in a while he would mention something he saw...ducks, a pretty house, horses or jet trails in the sky. He was so quiet my Mom even asked if he'd fallen asleep! My heart broke a little more. He is slipping further away from us. I know, I know, I should never have dreaded the drive and I feel so bad about that. It's so important that we cherish each moment, the good ones and the bad ones. My heart is breaking as we lose a little of him each day!

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